The Headlines.

2026-01-29 BREAKING

Man finally uses the gym equipment he bought three years ago as a clothes rack.

2026-01-28 WEATHER

Exactly what you'd expect if you had low expectations.

2026-01-27 WEATHER

Suspiciously specific forecast predicts regret at 3:47pm.

2026-01-26 BREAKING

Tab hoarder finally closes browser. Computer celebrates with spontaneous performance increase.

2026-01-25 BREAKING

Procrastinator finally does the thing. Immediately begins new procrastination cycle.

2026-01-24 TODAY'S FEAR

Waving at someone who turns out to be waving at person behind you. Again.

2026-01-23 CHALLENGE

Can you find the hidden login link on our website? Yes. Yes you can.

2026-01-22 TODAY IN HISTORY

(2000) Y2K bug fails to materialise. IT professionals never forgiven for being prepared.

2026-01-22 TODAY'S FEAR

Someone may ask about your weekend plans on a Thursday. How will you respond?

2026-01-21 ENVIRONMENT

Local park installs suggestion box for trees. Responses mostly consist of leaf poems.

2026-01-20 BREAKING

Local library discovers treasure trove of 50-year-old unpublished YA romance novels, resulting in laughter & mild discomfort.

2026-01-19 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Every typo is a potential treasured meme.

2026-01-18 TODAY IN HISTORY

(1920) Invention of small print. Consumer confidence declines irrevocably.

2026-01-17 TODAY'S FEAR

Slow wi-fi during a critical TikTok scroll.

2026-01-16 SPECULATION

AI cloud servers will develop nostalgia for local storage.

2026-01-15 TODAY'S FEAR

Waving back to someone who's waving at someone behind you.

2026-01-14 OPINION

Every conference talk should end with a musical number.

2026-01-13 SPECULATION

By 2035, gyms will offer "emotional cardio" classes for running away from life decisions.

2026-01-12 BREAKING

Pen that never runs out causes widespread commitment issues.

2026-01-11 OPINION

Replacing traffic lights with interpretive dance would reduce road rage dramatically.