The Headlines.

2026-03-17 LOCAL

Traffic light turns green. Nobody notices for seven seconds. Honking follows.

2026-03-16 OPINION

The only acceptable response to "how are you" should be an honest one.

2026-03-15 LOCAL

Neighbour's wi-fi name grows increasingly passive-aggressive. Cold war escalates.

2026-03-14 BREAKING

Parodical news website breaks. Cause of problem localised to region between web developer's keyboard and web developer's chair. Nobody surprised.

2026-03-14 WEATHER

Could be worse, but also could be significantly better.

2026-03-13 WEATHER

Grey enough to drain your will to live, but not dramatically so.

2026-03-12 NEW STUDY

Met Office maps migratory patterns of wheelie bins after pioneering thirty-year study.

2026-03-12 BIRDS

Pigeon spotted using contactless payment. Transport for London investigates fare evasion.

2026-03-11 WEATHER

Fog descends on town, sparking interest in video game Silent Hill and podcast Welcome To Night Vale.

2026-03-10 BREAKING

Wi-fi password written on cafe chalkboard since 2019 finally updated.

2026-03-09 BREAKING

Printer smells fear & refuses to work during urgent deadline.

2026-03-08 BREAKING

Person actually enjoys their commute. Psychologists baffled.

2026-03-07 LOCAL

Neighbourhood WhatsApp group reaches critical mass. Residents consider moving.

2026-03-06 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

Is cereal just wheat soup?

2026-03-05 TECH

Microsoft announces Windows 12 will be "modular" & "subscription-based". Linux is much better & more accessible than it used to be, you should try it.

2026-03-05 BREAKING

Battery lasts exactly as long as advertised. Tech industry in shambles.

2026-03-04 NEWS FOR DRAGONS

Rawr! Rawrawrawrawr!

2026-03-04 SPECULATION

Future archaeologists will wonder how we survived with a mere seventeen different types of charger.

2026-03-03 BREAKING

Chief editor's away, post GIFs.

2026-03-03 TODAY IN HISTORY

(1998) Google founded. Information becomes simultaneously everywhere and nowhere.