The Headlines.

2026-08-04 FACT

The "Are you still watching?" Netflix prompt is passive-aggressive judgement masquerading as a question.

2026-08-03 TODAY'S FEAR

Voice message starting with "So, quick question" that's 4 minutes long.

2026-08-02 SPECULATION

"Working from home" will be retroactively renamed "Living at work".

2026-08-01 TODAY IN HISTORY

(1999) Sending of the first Friday email that could easily have waited until Monday.

2026-07-31 WEATHER

Acceptable, if you adjust your expectations downward significantly.

2026-07-30 FACT

The volume of your phone is either too loud or too quiet with no middle ground.

2026-07-29 WEATHER

Moderately disappointing with a chance of mild regret.

2026-07-28 TODAY IN HISTORY

(2003) Someone coins the phrase "it is what it is." Meaningful conversation ends.

2026-07-27 OPINION

Every phone should come with "decline call & send apology text" button.

2026-07-26 BIRDS

Crows form trade union & demand better waste bin access.

2026-07-25 OPINION

All software updates should include a "actually, don't" button.

2026-07-24 WEATHER

Too cold to go without a jacket, too warm with a jacket on. Existential crisis optional.

2026-07-23 SPECULATION

By 2035, "turn it off & on again" will be inscribed on monuments.

2026-07-22 LOCAL

Someone uses speakerphone in public. Society crumbles slightly.

2026-07-21 WEATHER

Technically not raining but you'll arrive damp anyway.

2026-07-20 OPINION

Every meeting could have been an email & every email could have been nothing.

2026-07-19 SPECULATION

Avocados will replace currency. Toast to become luxury commodity.

2026-07-18 WEATHER

Uninspired but showing up anyway, just like you.

2026-07-17 WEATHER

Aggressively mediocre conditions continue indefinitely.

2026-07-16 BREAKING

Man discovers the real treasure was the documentation he should have written along the way.