The Headlines.

2026-09-20 SPECULATION

"Please advise" will be recognised as formal declaration of war.

2026-09-19 OPINION

Every elevator should display exactly how many people have silently judged your floor choice.

2026-09-18 WEATHER

Aggressively neutral. The Switzerland of weather conditions.

2026-09-17 HEARTBREAKING

Local cat has never been fed in entire life, says local cat.

2026-09-17 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? How much more sour can it get?

2026-09-16 OPINION

Every website should have a "skip to the point" button.

2026-09-15 FACT

The time it takes to find something is proportional to how much you need it.

2026-09-14 GAMING

Blizzard announces World of Warcraft Forever, featuring new headline "Nickel" race and "Dime" class.

2026-09-14 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(2005) Last documented instance of a YouTube video loading without buffering. Historians call it "The Golden Second".

2026-09-13 OPINION

Every "are you sure?" prompt should come with "why are you questioning me?" option.

2026-09-12 LOCAL

A-road pothole celebrates 50th anniversary. Council considers heritage listing.

2026-09-11 WEATHER

Unambitious & proud of it.

2026-09-10 FACT

The "close door" button in lifts is decorative and mocks your impatience.

2026-09-09 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

Is soup a drink? Culinary establishment refuses to answer.

2026-09-08 BREAKING

Houseplant survives, despite owner's best efforts to ignore it.

2026-09-07 SPECULATION

Future generations will ask "what's a ringtone?"

2026-09-06 OPINION

The only valid utterance after "we need to talk" is immediate clarification of topic without pause.

2026-09-05 JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

If practice makes perfect & nobody's perfect, why practice?

2026-09-04 WEATHER

Extant. That's the most enthusiastic description we can offer.

2026-09-03 THIS YEAR IN HISTORY

(2005) YouTube comment section reaches toxicity escape velocity.